Dear Jan,
I have such a long time pattern of starting new things and dropping them after a while, and it's frustrating. I'm thinking about what I want in 2006, and I want to do something in the new year that will really make a difference in my life and that I will stick with. I usually get very scattered, going off in all kinds of directions, thinking that I need to do it ALL in order to change the things I want to change in my life. So I thought that if I could settle on just one thing to do consistently, that would be great.
I'd like to know, if you were going to choose only one thing to do every day for more joy, abundance, peace, etc., what would that be?
Thanks, and all the best for the new year to you!
M.E., New York
Dear M.E.,
Congratulations on your intention to be more focused and less scattered in the coming year. That alone is tremendous change and will serve you very well! Overwheming yourself with 'shoulds' leads to discouragement, and eventually, you give up trying to do what feels impossible. You want to be successful at what you say you are going to do, and cutting down your TO DO list will go a long way in helping you to keep your commitment to yourself b y making it more do-able.
If I were going to choose only one positive, daily habit for myself, it would definitely be to establish a habit of being grateful. Aligning ourselves with the energy of gratitude is the most transformative thing we can do for ourselves, in my opinion. Gratitude is such high vibration, that it automatically opens us to the other high vibrations we are aiming for: joy, love, peace, abundance. Check out the book The Hidden Messages In Water, by renowned Japanese researcher, Masaru Emoto to see what the energy of gratitude looks like in an ice crystal. Amazingly beautiful and powerfully transformative!
When we choose gratitude we are releasing resistance to what we don't want, we are focusing on what we truly want and love and appreciate, and we are softening our energies to allow more of what we want to manifest in our experience. So being grateful really aligns us with abundance of all kinds and makes us happy in the NOW. A pretty good deal, if you ask me!
Now, in order to establish this positive habit you might buy a beautiful journal and keep a written gratitude journal. Maybe you'll write five things you are grateful for every morning. Or you might write your gratitude list when you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep at night. If you exercise during the day, walking, biking, jogging, etc., you might use that time to mentally list the things you are grateful for. Or you could do that while driving, while showering, while cooking, etc.
Choose the way you resonate with the most, the way you really like, and make it a daily practice. You might even choose a different way each day, depending on what you want to do, which is perfectly fine, as long as you practice daily gratitude somehow. It will take very little time to practice this gratitude habit, but the payoffs will be enormous! You may find as you do this, that you naturally reach for gratitude more and more throughout your days, since essentially you are grooving in a new habit of thought---a thought that feels very, very good. And we all want more of what feels good!
My very best wishes for you in 2006!
Warmly,
Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com
Friday, December 30, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
How to best handle her Indigo kid
Dear Jan,
I have a teen-aged son who is, from everything I've read, an Indigo child. He is so complicated and I do know that he's my teacher! He has a warm, sweet heart and is very affectionate with me and my husband, and then again, he pushes against the limits we set as if it's a life and death battle. Sometimes he simply ignores what we ask him to do or not do, and just does as he pleases, then again he can be very cooperative and pleasant. Sometimes he does well in school and sometimes he just doesn't even try. And he loves to explore the darker side of things. He definitely goes to extremes, and I'm afraid of that he may make some bad choices for himself as he gets older.
I try my best to not get my anger triggered, but I must admit that I have behaved with him in ways that I really regret. I am stunned sometimes at how enraged I get at him, it feels like I'm totally backsliding from all the work I have done on myself over the years. And I hate the way that feels.
I love my son so much, and I really do see the wonderful person he is. And I want to support him and help him to grow, but when my own stuff is so strongly triggered by him, I feel that I am not doing the best job I could do. I sure could use some advice on how to guide him and deal with my own feelings more effectively so I can be more loving. Honestly, sometimes I feel desperate about this.
E.L, Virginia
Dear E.L.,
Indigos are challenging, there's no two ways about it! And yours sounds pretty typical. They certainly don't fit any preconceived notions we have about raising children and the usual parenting stuff just doesn't work with them. They do need a different approach, it's true.
The other thing is that part of their earthly agenda is to do exactly what he is doing with you: trigger the places where you still hold anger, where you can easily lose your peace. This is by soul agreement, of course. You asked him to do just this for you, and he is doing it. You can trust that despite how it looks sometimes, you are both growing, learning and expanding. Also, on an intuitive level, I sense that there is so much love in your family...what a huge blessing that is!
For your part, you can use some energy balancing techniques such as EFT or chakra clearing to deal with your emotional reactions before they get out of hand. You can also examine the beliefs you hold about him, eg, that he may make bad choices, and shift to a more positive vision of him.
There's plenty of work you can do to clear and smooth your own energies.
As for dealing with your son, the most important thing you can do is to create, hold and repeat like a mantra your positive vision of him, using the knowing you have about "who he really is" and his basic goodness. No matter what he does, even exploring the darker side of things, you must remember that you love and adore him and he will feel that energy immediately. You will see the response in him since love and adoration are pretty irresistable. You will also need to stop reinforcing his negative behavior by ignoring it as much as possible. This is a good time to use those energy balancing techniques on yourself. And on the other hand, give him all the positive feedback you can, noticing and commenting on every single, little thing he does that is positive. You dont want to overdo it, since Indigos are so intuitive and perceptive and will know if you are 'faking it', so focus on the things he does and says that you sincerely appreciate.At the very least, find a way of being neutral rather than offering resistance. Remember, whatever you resist, persists!
You must also keep setting limits and holding the line for him, because for now, he needs the safe space you and your husband create for him. Remember that he's not out to get you, he's out to get some energy from you since most Indigos are extremely sensitive and have an energy management issue. Helping him to learn to manage his energy in more productive ways, such as exercise, deepbreathing, relaxation exercises, and helping him to notice what state he is in and what he needs in that moment can be enormously helpful.
You and your son and your husband are in a spiritual and earthly dance together, and because you are the one who wrote to me, I am guessing that you have the ability to choose the song and the dance steps for the three of you. So, do everything you can to empower yourself to set the tone in your family and for your son. He made a conscious choice to come to you because he knew that you would be, not only loving, but diligent in doing your own spiritual work, and helping him to do his. And that is exactly what you are doing. It's time now to take it all to the next level.
Warmly,
Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com
I have a teen-aged son who is, from everything I've read, an Indigo child. He is so complicated and I do know that he's my teacher! He has a warm, sweet heart and is very affectionate with me and my husband, and then again, he pushes against the limits we set as if it's a life and death battle. Sometimes he simply ignores what we ask him to do or not do, and just does as he pleases, then again he can be very cooperative and pleasant. Sometimes he does well in school and sometimes he just doesn't even try. And he loves to explore the darker side of things. He definitely goes to extremes, and I'm afraid of that he may make some bad choices for himself as he gets older.
I try my best to not get my anger triggered, but I must admit that I have behaved with him in ways that I really regret. I am stunned sometimes at how enraged I get at him, it feels like I'm totally backsliding from all the work I have done on myself over the years. And I hate the way that feels.
I love my son so much, and I really do see the wonderful person he is. And I want to support him and help him to grow, but when my own stuff is so strongly triggered by him, I feel that I am not doing the best job I could do. I sure could use some advice on how to guide him and deal with my own feelings more effectively so I can be more loving. Honestly, sometimes I feel desperate about this.
E.L, Virginia
Dear E.L.,
Indigos are challenging, there's no two ways about it! And yours sounds pretty typical. They certainly don't fit any preconceived notions we have about raising children and the usual parenting stuff just doesn't work with them. They do need a different approach, it's true.
The other thing is that part of their earthly agenda is to do exactly what he is doing with you: trigger the places where you still hold anger, where you can easily lose your peace. This is by soul agreement, of course. You asked him to do just this for you, and he is doing it. You can trust that despite how it looks sometimes, you are both growing, learning and expanding. Also, on an intuitive level, I sense that there is so much love in your family...what a huge blessing that is!
For your part, you can use some energy balancing techniques such as EFT or chakra clearing to deal with your emotional reactions before they get out of hand. You can also examine the beliefs you hold about him, eg, that he may make bad choices, and shift to a more positive vision of him.
There's plenty of work you can do to clear and smooth your own energies.
As for dealing with your son, the most important thing you can do is to create, hold and repeat like a mantra your positive vision of him, using the knowing you have about "who he really is" and his basic goodness. No matter what he does, even exploring the darker side of things, you must remember that you love and adore him and he will feel that energy immediately. You will see the response in him since love and adoration are pretty irresistable. You will also need to stop reinforcing his negative behavior by ignoring it as much as possible. This is a good time to use those energy balancing techniques on yourself. And on the other hand, give him all the positive feedback you can, noticing and commenting on every single, little thing he does that is positive. You dont want to overdo it, since Indigos are so intuitive and perceptive and will know if you are 'faking it', so focus on the things he does and says that you sincerely appreciate.At the very least, find a way of being neutral rather than offering resistance. Remember, whatever you resist, persists!
You must also keep setting limits and holding the line for him, because for now, he needs the safe space you and your husband create for him. Remember that he's not out to get you, he's out to get some energy from you since most Indigos are extremely sensitive and have an energy management issue. Helping him to learn to manage his energy in more productive ways, such as exercise, deepbreathing, relaxation exercises, and helping him to notice what state he is in and what he needs in that moment can be enormously helpful.
You and your son and your husband are in a spiritual and earthly dance together, and because you are the one who wrote to me, I am guessing that you have the ability to choose the song and the dance steps for the three of you. So, do everything you can to empower yourself to set the tone in your family and for your son. He made a conscious choice to come to you because he knew that you would be, not only loving, but diligent in doing your own spiritual work, and helping him to do his. And that is exactly what you are doing. It's time now to take it all to the next level.
Warmly,
Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com
Moving up the scale of emotion
Dear Jan,
I have been trying very hard to access my joy, but find it almost impossible. I've been depressed this past year, struggling with it, and while I do make progress sometimes, I can't seem to find and hold my joy. I know that joy is so important if I want to have the life I've always dreamed about. I truly want to be vibrating higher so I can manifest the things I want and so I can just feel better!
Not being able to find and stay in my joy makes me feel like a failure. What am I doing wrong? And what can I do to change it?
Thanks for any help you can give me.
C.T., Florida
Dear C.T.,
First of all, it's wonderful that you are so committed to reaching for joy over and over and over again. That commitment and tenacity are essential ingredients in retraining yourself to access the state of joy on a more permanent basis for yourself. So what I already know about you is that you know deep inside yourself that joy is where you belong!
Having said that, it's important for you to know that it's difficult to jump from depression to joy and hold that high vibration. It's not impossible, but it is hard. In order to make it easier on yourself and start creating some success with this, I suggest you break the task down into manageable chunks.
You can start by thinking of emotions as existing on a kind of ladder. If you are starting with depression, sadness, or a similar emotion which is low on the ladder, it will be much easier to reach for, say anger, than joy. Anger is a higher vibration than depression or sadness, can be empowering and makes you feel better. Then from anger, you may find that you can reach for worry, which is an even higher state, and again another step or two closer to joy. Then you might be able to find frustration, and from there boredom, and from there contentment. As you keep progressing this way, reaching for the next step on the ladder, you are effectively and systematically raising your vibration very nicely. It may take some time, but it will get you there!
The entire journey toward joy becomes so much more managabe and do-able this way rather than trying over and over to make that leap from down low on the emotional ladder to the highest rung, you see? This allows you to become better and better at consciously choosing your state of being one or more rungs at a time, and finally arriving at joy! And you get to feel successful along the way, which is its own higher vibration added to the emotional mix.
This process will work for you no matter what you are feeling, no matter what state you are in, to improve your ability to allow yourself a more positive emotion, a more postive experience, immediately. And you will be learning a valuable life skill. So, choose any thought you can find that will bring you a feeling of relief from the lower emotion, and hold the strong intention to find an emotional place that feels better, not perfect, just better, even a little better. It can help to do this process out loud or on paper for a while til you get the hang of it.
Keep holding strong to your inner knowing that joy is your birthright and that you hold all your joy inside of you, ready to be accessed at will, once you know how to climb that emotional ladder!
Warmly,
Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com
I have been trying very hard to access my joy, but find it almost impossible. I've been depressed this past year, struggling with it, and while I do make progress sometimes, I can't seem to find and hold my joy. I know that joy is so important if I want to have the life I've always dreamed about. I truly want to be vibrating higher so I can manifest the things I want and so I can just feel better!
Not being able to find and stay in my joy makes me feel like a failure. What am I doing wrong? And what can I do to change it?
Thanks for any help you can give me.
C.T., Florida
Dear C.T.,
First of all, it's wonderful that you are so committed to reaching for joy over and over and over again. That commitment and tenacity are essential ingredients in retraining yourself to access the state of joy on a more permanent basis for yourself. So what I already know about you is that you know deep inside yourself that joy is where you belong!
Having said that, it's important for you to know that it's difficult to jump from depression to joy and hold that high vibration. It's not impossible, but it is hard. In order to make it easier on yourself and start creating some success with this, I suggest you break the task down into manageable chunks.
You can start by thinking of emotions as existing on a kind of ladder. If you are starting with depression, sadness, or a similar emotion which is low on the ladder, it will be much easier to reach for, say anger, than joy. Anger is a higher vibration than depression or sadness, can be empowering and makes you feel better. Then from anger, you may find that you can reach for worry, which is an even higher state, and again another step or two closer to joy. Then you might be able to find frustration, and from there boredom, and from there contentment. As you keep progressing this way, reaching for the next step on the ladder, you are effectively and systematically raising your vibration very nicely. It may take some time, but it will get you there!
The entire journey toward joy becomes so much more managabe and do-able this way rather than trying over and over to make that leap from down low on the emotional ladder to the highest rung, you see? This allows you to become better and better at consciously choosing your state of being one or more rungs at a time, and finally arriving at joy! And you get to feel successful along the way, which is its own higher vibration added to the emotional mix.
This process will work for you no matter what you are feeling, no matter what state you are in, to improve your ability to allow yourself a more positive emotion, a more postive experience, immediately. And you will be learning a valuable life skill. So, choose any thought you can find that will bring you a feeling of relief from the lower emotion, and hold the strong intention to find an emotional place that feels better, not perfect, just better, even a little better. It can help to do this process out loud or on paper for a while til you get the hang of it.
Keep holding strong to your inner knowing that joy is your birthright and that you hold all your joy inside of you, ready to be accessed at will, once you know how to climb that emotional ladder!
Warmly,
Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com
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