How to best handle her Indigo kid

Dear Jan,
I have a teen-aged son who is, from everything I've read, an Indigo child. He is so complicated and I do know that he's my teacher! He has a warm, sweet heart and is very affectionate with me and my husband, and then again, he pushes against the limits we set as if it's a life and death battle. Sometimes he simply ignores what we ask him to do or not do, and just does as he pleases, then again he can be very cooperative and pleasant. Sometimes he does well in school and sometimes he just doesn't even try. And he loves to explore the darker side of things. He definitely goes to extremes, and I'm afraid of that he may make some bad choices for himself as he gets older.
I try my best to not get my anger triggered, but I must admit that I have behaved with him in ways that I really regret. I am stunned sometimes at how enraged I get at him, it feels like I'm totally backsliding from all the work I have done on myself over the years. And I hate the way that feels.
I love my son so much, and I really do see the wonderful person he is. And I want to support him and help him to grow, but when my own stuff is so strongly triggered by him, I feel that I am not doing the best job I could do. I sure could use some advice on how to guide him and deal with my own feelings more effectively so I can be more loving. Honestly, sometimes I feel desperate about this.

E.L, Virginia


Dear E.L.,
Indigos are challenging, there's no two ways about it! And yours sounds pretty typical. They certainly don't fit any preconceived notions we have about raising children and the usual parenting stuff just doesn't work with them. They do need a different approach, it's true.

The other thing is that part of their earthly agenda is to do exactly what he is doing with you: trigger the places where you still hold anger, where you can easily lose your peace. This is by soul agreement, of course. You asked him to do just this for you, and he is doing it. You can trust that despite how it looks sometimes, you are both growing, learning and expanding. Also, on an intuitive level, I sense that there is so much love in your family...what a huge blessing that is!

For your part, you can use some energy balancing techniques such as EFT or chakra clearing to deal with your emotional reactions before they get out of hand. You can also examine the beliefs you hold about him, eg, that he may make bad choices, and shift to a more positive vision of him.
There's plenty of work you can do to clear and smooth your own energies.

As for dealing with your son, the most important thing you can do is to create, hold and repeat like a mantra your positive vision of him, using the knowing you have about "who he really is" and his basic goodness. No matter what he does, even exploring the darker side of things, you must remember that you love and adore him and he will feel that energy immediately. You will see the response in him since love and adoration are pretty irresistable. You will also need to stop reinforcing his negative behavior by ignoring it as much as possible. This is a good time to use those energy balancing techniques on yourself. And on the other hand, give him all the positive feedback you can, noticing and commenting on every single, little thing he does that is positive. You dont want to overdo it, since Indigos are so intuitive and perceptive and will know if you are 'faking it', so focus on the things he does and says that you sincerely appreciate.At the very least, find a way of being neutral rather than offering resistance. Remember, whatever you resist, persists!

You must also keep setting limits and holding the line for him, because for now, he needs the safe space you and your husband create for him. Remember that he's not out to get you, he's out to get some energy from you since most Indigos are extremely sensitive and have an energy management issue. Helping him to learn to manage his energy in more productive ways, such as exercise, deepbreathing, relaxation exercises, and helping him to notice what state he is in and what he needs in that moment can be enormously helpful.

You and your son and your husband are in a spiritual and earthly dance together, and because you are the one who wrote to me, I am guessing that you have the ability to choose the song and the dance steps for the three of you. So, do everything you can to empower yourself to set the tone in your family and for your son. He made a conscious choice to come to you because he knew that you would be, not only loving, but diligent in doing your own spiritual work, and helping him to do his. And that is exactly what you are doing. It's time now to take it all to the next level.

Warmly,

Jan
The Every Day Joy Coach
www.EveryDayJoy.com